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Posted by on Jun 3, 2014 in Expat coaching | 0 comments

Small disappointments

We all want things to go a certain way or people to react in a certain manner and when this does not happen we experience disappointment. It’s normal and we experience different levels of disappointment on a normal day ranging from making a bad cup of tea, a friend cancelling, not completing all the tasks that you wanted to or someone slipping a hurtful comment.Give yourself some space.

These are all normally dealt with pretty easily as forgiveness runs freely and you generally understand that people’s actions are determined by their schedules and pressures and that it’s really not personal. You might not even have felt disappointed on a normal day, in your normal country and normal routine, but now it’s different. The problem is that as an expat your coping reserves are already running low. There are so many small challenges in a normal day that small disappointments can really catch you off guard. It hits hard and it breaks your stride. Suddenly everything is too much, too hard, too far and too different and it all comes crashing down.

Breathe.

Calm down.

Perspective, you need perspective. It’s a journey.

Work through your thoughts a bit and try to determine what is really upsetting you. It’s often a bunch of small challenges, rather than one specific thing. Maybe write them down on a page or draw them in topic bubbles. Writing them down can turn the “mountain” into a small heap again and make things manageable. It can also be helpful to explain to your partner or friends what you are going through and why one small thing can lead to you feeling completely overwhelmed. If your partner or friends are not expats, then it might be difficult for them to understand how normal daily activities can become overwhelming.

Also write down the emotions that you are feeling. It is important to pinpoint them so that you can manage them or they will end up managing you. An emotional outburst can also indicate that you are bottling up emotions and not properly dealing with certain challenges. It is important that you allow yourself time to reflect on your feelings and journey. Make a list of the small victories that you’ve had this week and be proud of yourself. Remind yourself that it’s a process and that everything is going to be alright at the end and if everything is not alright then it’s not yet the end. You will conquer this one, just as you have conquered the others, one step at a time!

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